Love is in the eye of the beholder…

Do you know that LOVE is a relative, not absolute concept? Like beauty, love is in the eye of the beholder…

A romantic at heart AKA the happily-ever-after will reserve only one room in their heart for love. They are team optimistic, yayy fairytales! For them, there’s always light at the end of a dark tunnel.
For them love is a fairytale.

A person incapable of being monogamous AKA the mother Teresa will dissect their heart into smaller pieces and find their missing piece’S’ accordingly. The hallucinating ones most often than not turn into cheaters.
For them love is sharing, but maybe-yes-maybe-no not caring.

A serial dater AKA the single-phobic make it their life mission to go find lover after lover, in their idealistic hunt of the so-called ‘the one’ almost similar to the romantic at heart, but they fall into a never-ending cycle believing there’s always a better someone and avoiding to face their demons. Usually a serial dater is a lost romantic at heart.
For them love is the thrill of novelty.

A manwhore AKA imma-fuck-you-and-yo-mama-too is the Don Juan of this world. They believe that their body is a device of love meaning to be shared with the entire world. They will fuck you, and before you even recuperate from your orgasm, your mother has reached hers.
For them love is lust.

An anti-love AKA Frozen is basically a hurt, most often emotionally abused romantic at heart. Put their hearts on the sleeves, love unconditionally and in return, get hurt, intentionally or unintentionally, by their lover. So they gave up in the end and turned into an ice queen.
For them love is a misery.

A cynic AKA sassy diva is projecting their insecurities of love onto another platform be it a person or an object. You might recognize them from their infamous mouth running off 100 miles a minutes, throwing shades and sarcasm. We all know at least one, don’t we? They’re insecure people, afraid of being rejected. They never mean harm, their mouth is their self-defense. Basic modern human survival 101.
For them love is scary.

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Nostalgia of 2017

“Enjoy it baby.”
One sentence and I was gone
Back to the old days
When I had high hopes of love, great dreams of life
When life was only black and white
Before all the clouds and storms stirred up my existence
I really thought after all this time that I could get over you
I really did
Little did I know
I was hiding my feelings under thick layers of smiles and “I’m okay”
I thought by keep saying “I’m over him” I might really do get over him
Maybe yes physically
But definitely not mentally
He’s still very much lingering in the deep abyss of my heart
A place I didn’t know exist before
Now I opened my eyes, and I’m standing in that place all by myself..

“Hey pretty boy.”
One chat and I was gone
One chat and I was suddenly back to the autumn of 2017
One chat and I reminisced every single touch, every single caress and every single moment spent together
One chat and I could feel the warmth of his cuddles and touches
One chat and I was taken back to that day we were on the beach watching sunset sitting side by side just our soul intertwining together
One chat and I was reminded of that one night he told me he’s not into me
“You’re a very nice guy.”
I guess being nice was not enough
I guess a lot, but I guess a guess is just what it is, right?
A mere guess
And now I’m back again..to guessing.

Tales of a Lebanese and a Sharmuta

One night, one dingy brothel
One man, one curly Lebanese
One lone traveler, one sharmuta
Two January, two in the morning
Two souls, two minds
Two loners, two no-brainers
One and two days later
Souls intertwining
Two and three days later
Together, nothing really matters
Stay together, a Lebanese and a sharmuta
Not meant to be, but just let it be
Three, two, one
Count it backward, do it forward
Have we met before?
I feel like we’ve known each other
Much much longer than one, two, three days
Now we’re trapped
Cannot escape, cannot delay
Not sure who entrapped who
High in anger, low in patience
Two chasing each other
In their tiny, golden cage
Now what to do next?
The curly lebanese, the wavy sharmuta
Trapped in a cage
One in need of the other
Can it be they are completing each other?
Well, who  knows
This is a tale of a curly Lebanese and a wavy Sharmuta
You better be ready.

News about Funny Little Tummy

Today I’ve got some news that someone threw up after hearing some bad news. For me, was it a good news or a bad news, I wonder? a good-bad news, maybe? Wow, that is a lot usage of the word news. Nonetheless, hip hip hooray, we got some news!

The little tummy was funny: it got upset by some funny little news. It left me perplexed, but a bit relaxed cuz it’s a sign of trust. Doesn’t make it less funny though, I reckon a good-bad news can be ambiguous and to some degree be called a deluxe indulegence. But hey, don’t blame me, I still it’s helluva funny. Funny little tummy? Yeah, that’s about it.

Now little tummy is no longer upset. Let’s hope and pray there won’t be no more funny, yucky slimey liquid cuz when it comes to that, it’s really no fun and definitely not funny for the tummy. Poor poor tummy 😦 I hope you get well soon, dear tummy 🙂

Now, how many times have I used the words “news”, “funny” and “tummy”? yep yep, 16 times. So 3 words, 16 times repetition. Do you know John 3:16?

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. (KJV)”

So after all, funny little tummy is loved by the Lord. Amen to that.

-Fin-

(untitled)

When I look at you and you look at me

I feel it deep down in my heart

The joy that cannot be expressed with words

The utter excitement at knowing that look is just for me

That smile is meant for me

That you are meant to be mine

And I am yours

If only I could capture this moment

If only this moment could last forever

If you could be mine, if I could be yours

If I could turn back time, I would never let you go

Hold you close to me

But it has to be you and me

It has to be us

It cannot be just me

It cannot be me

When you look me in the eyes

I know the unspoken

But do you?

This is me for you

Please say yes and be mine

And make me yours

Yours

Movie Rant: Cat On a Hot Tin Roof (1958)

cat-on-a-hot-tin-roof

Brick, an alcoholic ex-football player, drinks his days away and resists the affections of his wife, Maggie. His reunion with his father, Big Daddy, who is dying of cancer, jogs a host of memories and revelations for both father and son.


This movie is as old as dirt. I am pretty sure back in the day, there was no Pen Pineapple Apple Pen. Ugh, I want to strangle the cougar bish to death. Annoying song, and I know they used some voodoo magic because the damn song got stuck in my cranium. -slaps self-

Anyhoo, is it just me or all these old movies are confusing as hell. I mean, have you watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Let me tell you, I watched it three times and still could not understand it. Audrey, you’s pretty and everything but all I understand is that you’s a fraud and you gotta stop your hustle or imma call the popo. Uhm, and that guy you been seeing? Uhm, yeah. He a prostitute. Yeah. Truth is a bish huh :/

Let me just say that Elizabeth Taylor was a bombshell. They even referred her as a mynx in this movie. A mynx is like a cat. Just like the girl band Little Mynx. You know, they sing Hair and Black Magic and Butterfly. I know, right? Elizabeth Taylor was evolving into a cougar uh huh. Not sure though if she was a Pokemon. Because if she was, she would make the oldest Pokemon on urff.

So, here are my rants:

  1. Confusing as hell. So, Brick and Maggie were husband and wife. Brick did not have sex with Maggie for like 56 years. Brick blamed Maggie for being crippled. Brick had a sister-in-law and nephews and nieces and they all were skanks. When I saw them, I picture this:
    wake-me-up-awake-me-up-inside-alright-kids-all-3590893
    The Brick and Bone guy had issues. He was throwing stuff and he threatened to hit Maggie with his cane in the head. Brick got drunk. Maggie cried. Brick and Maggie had sex. The end. Now, how you expect me to understand all that? I am baffled @.@
  2. Who the hell is big daddy? Who is he? He gave me chills :/ Come near me biggie, Imma hit ya with my bamboo spear.
  3. What is the movie really about? At first I thought it’s a horror movie. You know, a cat got cooked in a hot tin pan or something and the heat hit the roof. Oops, this American movie, not Asian. Y’all vegan. Sorry. I guess you gotta be white to understand this. I am chink, so I cannot understand :/ weird.

Ok I am tired. This rant is obviously a cry for help. I will stop now.

PS. Post some nasty comments and I will glue your fingers to your eyelashes 😉 he he he

Cheers, xoxo

Movie Rant: Bad Moms (2016)

bad-moms-poster-nl-lr1

When three overworked and under-appreciated moms are pushed beyond their limits, they ditch their conventional responsibilities for a jolt of long overdue freedom, fun, and comedic self-indulgence.


OK before I start committing more sin by trash talking this movie, I have a confession to make. I was supposed to work last night, but I did not. Oops. Sorry, boss. Please take a chunk out of my salary as a punishment. Bish, just kidding! Of course I would prefer a good movie to work any damn time. And this movie IS good. So let’s do this.

As the title suggests, this movie is about bad mothers.  They are so bad. Just downright nasty. These hoes obviously watch too much Fifty Shades, depressed housewive + Fifty Shades = Slutty Cougar. Yes, with a capital S and C. Let’s be honest, skanky is what a skank does. But I gotta admit, they is cool. I would sell my mother’s kidney for Mila Kunis.
. . . . .
Just kidding, geez, of course I will not do that. I love my mom. ❤
Bish, stfu.

Without further ado, here are my rants about this movie:

  1. Mila Kunis you is a pretty lady, you really is. But halfway through the movie someone messed up with your makeup, your right eye was bigger than the left one. Do not put on too much mascara. You look like one of dem ladies in the magazine daddy used to read when I was in 2nd grade. I still wonder why in the world would he keep dem magazines under the bed and only read dem at night. Weird.
  2. Can I say that that mother Carla is like my equivalent in real life? Damn. She was cuckoo. She said the D word, I’m pretty sure, 6,798 times during the 1.40 hours of the movie. I mean, it was just insane. Definitely she a hoe. Take it down a notch, baby bish. You is a mother. Mother and children. Ok? Thanks for listening.
  3.  Who is this Keke girl? I mean, Keke mother. Anyway how do you spell Keke the female caucasian name? Not Keke the black name (it will probably be Kekesha or Kekeuita anyway :/ ). I need to be politically correct. But I get to say whatever I want because I too am a minority #chinkslivesmatter. This white mom lost her damn mind in the movie. I think she from Mississippi, she kinda reminds of my friend. Mississippi = Miss, zip it and just pee. I am just saying, this lady has been smoking the greeneries. Watch out for mommas like her in real life, they are potentially lethal. Do not piss them off. Do not piss on them. Do not make them piss on you. Oops, It is called Watersports, but it is a different thing 😉
  4.  I wanna chain Christina Applegator and Jada Shocking Pink-Smith to a bed, blindfold them, glue their lips together, shave their head off, and let red ants bite them until they are all puffed. They are irritating as heck.
  5. Oh, I love Martha Stewart. She was there in the movie. Martha, cook me something, I am hungry :/ I want pecan pie
  6. Oh yeah, again, another movie with child abuse. Please call, email, Skype, Kik,  WhatsApp, Viber, Tinder 911. I am pretty sure I heard these mothers saying they drugged their children with Panadol or Paracetamol or Guacamole or some effed up stuff. Or was it Magic Mushroom? hmmm…I am not sure. Just call 911 please.

Y’all should watch this movie. It is hilarious! As Carlita, QeQuesha, and Amy Winehouse said: “Get your tits up!”

PS. If y’all post some hurtful comments, I will glue your fingers to your eyelashes :*

PSS. Deduct my salary and I will burn down the office he he he 😉

Cheers! xoxo