Movie Rant: Bad Moms (2016)

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When three overworked and under-appreciated moms are pushed beyond their limits, they ditch their conventional responsibilities for a jolt of long overdue freedom, fun, and comedic self-indulgence.


OK before I start committing more sin by trash talking this movie, I have a confession to make. I was supposed to work last night, but I did not. Oops. Sorry, boss. Please take a chunk out of my salary as a punishment. Bish, just kidding! Of course I would prefer a good movie to work any damn time. And this movie IS good. So let’s do this.

As the title suggests, this movie is about bad mothers.  They are so bad. Just downright nasty. These hoes obviously watch too much Fifty Shades, depressed housewive + Fifty Shades = Slutty Cougar. Yes, with a capital S and C. Let’s be honest, skanky is what a skank does. But I gotta admit, they is cool. I would sell my mother’s kidney for Mila Kunis.
. . . . .
Just kidding, geez, of course I will not do that. I love my mom. ❤
Bish, stfu.

Without further ado, here are my rants about this movie:

  1. Mila Kunis you is a pretty lady, you really is. But halfway through the movie someone messed up with your makeup, your right eye was bigger than the left one. Do not put on too much mascara. You look like one of dem ladies in the magazine daddy used to read when I was in 2nd grade. I still wonder why in the world would he keep dem magazines under the bed and only read dem at night. Weird.
  2. Can I say that that mother Carla is like my equivalent in real life? Damn. She was cuckoo. She said the D word, I’m pretty sure, 6,798 times during the 1.40 hours of the movie. I mean, it was just insane. Definitely she a hoe. Take it down a notch, baby bish. You is a mother. Mother and children. Ok? Thanks for listening.
  3.  Who is this Keke girl? I mean, Keke mother. Anyway how do you spell Keke the female caucasian name? Not Keke the black name (it will probably be Kekesha or Kekeuita anyway :/ ). I need to be politically correct. But I get to say whatever I want because I too am a minority #chinkslivesmatter. This white mom lost her damn mind in the movie. I think she from Mississippi, she kinda reminds of my friend. Mississippi = Miss, zip it and just pee. I am just saying, this lady has been smoking the greeneries. Watch out for mommas like her in real life, they are potentially lethal. Do not piss them off. Do not piss on them. Do not make them piss on you. Oops, It is called Watersports, but it is a different thing 😉
  4.  I wanna chain Christina Applegator and Jada Shocking Pink-Smith to a bed, blindfold them, glue their lips together, shave their head off, and let red ants bite them until they are all puffed. They are irritating as heck.
  5. Oh, I love Martha Stewart. She was there in the movie. Martha, cook me something, I am hungry :/ I want pecan pie
  6. Oh yeah, again, another movie with child abuse. Please call, email, Skype, Kik,  WhatsApp, Viber, Tinder 911. I am pretty sure I heard these mothers saying they drugged their children with Panadol or Paracetamol or Guacamole or some effed up stuff. Or was it Magic Mushroom? hmmm…I am not sure. Just call 911 please.

Y’all should watch this movie. It is hilarious! As Carlita, QeQuesha, and Amy Winehouse said: “Get your tits up!”

PS. If y’all post some hurtful comments, I will glue your fingers to your eyelashes :*

PSS. Deduct my salary and I will burn down the office he he he 😉

Cheers! xoxo

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