Movie Rant: Ouija: Origin of Evil (2016)

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Synopsis:
In 1965 Los Angeles, a widowed mother and her two daughters add a new stunt to bolster their seance scam business and unwittingly invite authentic evil into their home. When the youngest daughter is overtaken by a merciless spirit, the family confronts unthinkable fears to save her and send her possessor back to the other side.


I just got home from watching this movie. All I am saying is that the sound effect was really good, especially during the supposedly scary ass scenes. The truth does set you free, so I am going to admit that I did get startled once during the movie. And it was not because of the black-ass ghost (no pun intended!). The rest of it? I was between laughing and squirming in my seat, let me tell ya, it was uncomfortable as hell! Y’all gotta watch this just for the sake of laughing, uh huh.

Anyhoo, this movie is about these three females, they looked like they been wearing toupees cuz lemme tell ya, nowadays hairs like em are fake. No way you can get hair as straight and smooth as THAT! The three hoes make money from their lil hustle AKA fortune telling scam business. They lied to peoples abouts the ghostess and the spiritsess!

*Anyways, is illegality a word? I am wondering :/*

Now, believe me when I say you will reap what you sow, these bitches got it good! That is all I am saying. Now I need to stop blabber before I spoil the entire movie. So these are my rants on the movie. These are all subjective! If you are sensitive to trashiness and tackiness, back the eff off 😛

  1. Why all the casts are named after my coworkers’ and clients’?! xD I cracked up with laughter the entire movie! Just too much to see! I mean, I wanted to help all of them from getting slaughtered by the black mamba, but I am torn between: oh, yes finally they gon die,  imma be free! AND damn, what if blacky chokes my neck and eats me alive? I don’t wanna die young y’all! xD So I left the bitches die :/ Sorry, but I love my life more 😛
  2. Why in the world was the ghost black? (eff grammar, I don’t know how to write it properly xD) I mean, black as in black color, not black/dark as in skin tone. I mean, for real? Are you making a movie about ghosts or some extreme civil right movement? Nah ah, go do your homework bebe! I love peace. But since the ghostess was black as the black hole, I have to be creative in giving it nick names. Ergo: Blacky, Black Mamba, Not So Sirius Black, Ebony Spirit and Blackhead.
  3. Why all damn horror movies never have a happy ending? I mean, not only massages can have a happy ending, horror movies too! Why was it so hard to kill the damn Blacky?! Just sprinkle him with some holy water! Well, if it did not work, you might try some mixture of 1 cup of vinegar, 1tbs of baking soda, 3 red chilly, 1 cup of lemon extract and 3tbs of salt, add pepper if necessary. Lemme tell ya, you gon kill Blackness with that once and for all! Can I hear amen? THANKS!
  4. Ok, is it just me or in every American movie there is gotta be an opressed character that comes from either Asia-pacific north west south east middle desert, European-union north west south east iceland, Africa north west south east jungle, and Aussie. Americans love to kill us in their movies. I had to make sure I covered every single part, provinces, towns, cities, municipalities, landmarks, races, ethnics and cultures. In this movie? I am very sorry to say they picked Poland. Sorry, comrades. You died for all of us, Blackhead 😥 RIP
  5. Someone better call 911, because there was a child abuse in this movie. Clue: a needle and a black thread. Poor toddler.

I still have a lot to say, things just never stop processing in my medula oblongata, my grey matter, cranium, and I think there’s one part in the brain named cellulites. I love my cellulites <3, but I gotta stop now. Y’all read this and let me know what you think. Write something bad and I will glue your fingers to your eyelashes. Kisses and hugs! Mwah! xoxo

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