Movie Rant: Cat On a Hot Tin Roof (1958)

cat-on-a-hot-tin-roof

Brick, an alcoholic ex-football player, drinks his days away and resists the affections of his wife, Maggie. His reunion with his father, Big Daddy, who is dying of cancer, jogs a host of memories and revelations for both father and son.


This movie is as old as dirt. I am pretty sure back in the day, there was no Pen Pineapple Apple Pen. Ugh, I want to strangle the cougar bish to death. Annoying song, and I know they used some voodoo magic because the damn song got stuck in my cranium. -slaps self-

Anyhoo, is it just me or all these old movies are confusing as hell. I mean, have you watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s? Let me tell you, I watched it three times and still could not understand it. Audrey, you’s pretty and everything but all I understand is that you’s a fraud and you gotta stop your hustle or imma call the popo. Uhm, and that guy you been seeing? Uhm, yeah. He a prostitute. Yeah. Truth is a bish huh :/

Let me just say that Elizabeth Taylor was a bombshell. They even referred her as a mynx in this movie. A mynx is like a cat. Just like the girl band Little Mynx. You know, they sing Hair and Black Magic and Butterfly. I know, right? Elizabeth Taylor was evolving into a cougar uh huh. Not sure though if she was a Pokemon. Because if she was, she would make the oldest Pokemon on urff.

So, here are my rants:

  1. Confusing as hell. So, Brick and Maggie were husband and wife. Brick did not have sex with Maggie for like 56 years. Brick blamed Maggie for being crippled. Brick had a sister-in-law and nephews and nieces and they all were skanks. When I saw them, I picture this:
    wake-me-up-awake-me-up-inside-alright-kids-all-3590893
    The Brick and Bone guy had issues. He was throwing stuff and he threatened to hit Maggie with his cane in the head. Brick got drunk. Maggie cried. Brick and Maggie had sex. The end. Now, how you expect me to understand all that? I am baffled @.@
  2. Who the hell is big daddy? Who is he? He gave me chills :/ Come near me biggie, Imma hit ya with my bamboo spear.
  3. What is the movie really about? At first I thought it’s a horror movie. You know, a cat got cooked in a hot tin pan or something and the heat hit the roof. Oops, this American movie, not Asian. Y’all vegan. Sorry. I guess you gotta be white to understand this. I am chink, so I cannot understand :/ weird.

Ok I am tired. This rant is obviously a cry for help. I will stop now.

PS. Post some nasty comments and I will glue your fingers to your eyelashes 😉 he he he

Cheers, xoxo

Advertisements

Movie Rant: Bad Moms (2016)

bad-moms-poster-nl-lr1

When three overworked and under-appreciated moms are pushed beyond their limits, they ditch their conventional responsibilities for a jolt of long overdue freedom, fun, and comedic self-indulgence.


OK before I start committing more sin by trash talking this movie, I have a confession to make. I was supposed to work last night, but I did not. Oops. Sorry, boss. Please take a chunk out of my salary as a punishment. Bish, just kidding! Of course I would prefer a good movie to work any damn time. And this movie IS good. So let’s do this.

As the title suggests, this movie is about bad mothers.  They are so bad. Just downright nasty. These hoes obviously watch too much Fifty Shades, depressed housewive + Fifty Shades = Slutty Cougar. Yes, with a capital S and C. Let’s be honest, skanky is what a skank does. But I gotta admit, they is cool. I would sell my mother’s kidney for Mila Kunis.
. . . . .
Just kidding, geez, of course I will not do that. I love my mom. ❤
Bish, stfu.

Without further ado, here are my rants about this movie:

  1. Mila Kunis you is a pretty lady, you really is. But halfway through the movie someone messed up with your makeup, your right eye was bigger than the left one. Do not put on too much mascara. You look like one of dem ladies in the magazine daddy used to read when I was in 2nd grade. I still wonder why in the world would he keep dem magazines under the bed and only read dem at night. Weird.
  2. Can I say that that mother Carla is like my equivalent in real life? Damn. She was cuckoo. She said the D word, I’m pretty sure, 6,798 times during the 1.40 hours of the movie. I mean, it was just insane. Definitely she a hoe. Take it down a notch, baby bish. You is a mother. Mother and children. Ok? Thanks for listening.
  3.  Who is this Keke girl? I mean, Keke mother. Anyway how do you spell Keke the female caucasian name? Not Keke the black name (it will probably be Kekesha or Kekeuita anyway :/ ). I need to be politically correct. But I get to say whatever I want because I too am a minority #chinkslivesmatter. This white mom lost her damn mind in the movie. I think she from Mississippi, she kinda reminds of my friend. Mississippi = Miss, zip it and just pee. I am just saying, this lady has been smoking the greeneries. Watch out for mommas like her in real life, they are potentially lethal. Do not piss them off. Do not piss on them. Do not make them piss on you. Oops, It is called Watersports, but it is a different thing 😉
  4.  I wanna chain Christina Applegator and Jada Shocking Pink-Smith to a bed, blindfold them, glue their lips together, shave their head off, and let red ants bite them until they are all puffed. They are irritating as heck.
  5. Oh, I love Martha Stewart. She was there in the movie. Martha, cook me something, I am hungry :/ I want pecan pie
  6. Oh yeah, again, another movie with child abuse. Please call, email, Skype, Kik,  WhatsApp, Viber, Tinder 911. I am pretty sure I heard these mothers saying they drugged their children with Panadol or Paracetamol or Guacamole or some effed up stuff. Or was it Magic Mushroom? hmmm…I am not sure. Just call 911 please.

Y’all should watch this movie. It is hilarious! As Carlita, QeQuesha, and Amy Winehouse said: “Get your tits up!”

PS. If y’all post some hurtful comments, I will glue your fingers to your eyelashes :*

PSS. Deduct my salary and I will burn down the office he he he 😉

Cheers! xoxo